And I refuse to take any more from him! If he thinks it is OK to post to EVERYONE what is happening to him and him not even make the bloody effort to contact me, well, he has another thing coming!
So we are done. Not even a year and we're done...and strangely, I'm not sad...pissed off, yes and insulted and a very bruised ego and battered pride. But not sad.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Ok, what the hell has happened now?????
Status: Stuffed if I know...I now have an unspecified amount of time to sit and twiddle my damned thumbs while his Lordship gets his shit together....again....
Fuck me sideways! Why I even bother is beyond me...all I seem to get is grief and heartache...doesn't he understand what this does to me? Doesn't he care? He understands and he cares, he just isn't capable of seeing...he can't see that there is light at the end of the tunnel...he can't see that if he just sucks it up a little longer everything will be right. He can't see any of that, and it's me that ends up suffering while he works it all out.
I hate this shit so much!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck me sideways! Why I even bother is beyond me...all I seem to get is grief and heartache...doesn't he understand what this does to me? Doesn't he care? He understands and he cares, he just isn't capable of seeing...he can't see that there is light at the end of the tunnel...he can't see that if he just sucks it up a little longer everything will be right. He can't see any of that, and it's me that ends up suffering while he works it all out.
I hate this shit so much!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, March 13, 2009
How a Father can drive a grown woman to distraction!
And he can do that simply by sitting on his bloody arse, not doing the job he started (which he'd already put off for a fucking week!), watching the damned TV! I know the moment I say one bloody word about it, he'll crack the shits something severe and the job will NEVER get finished.
I'd love to get Mum to get his arse into gear and finish it, but the poor love didn't sleep well last night, and is catching up on that sleep now...though that doesn't stop me being tempted to go wake her up! I am just so bloody evil!!!!!
I'd love to get Mum to get his arse into gear and finish it, but the poor love didn't sleep well last night, and is catching up on that sleep now...though that doesn't stop me being tempted to go wake her up! I am just so bloody evil!!!!!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
I hope I got this sorted out...
Or something that looks like sorted...
I do so like my personal life and my plans for world domination separated! *snicker*
I do so like my personal life and my plans for world domination separated! *snicker*
Why, she's human after all! Feb 28, 2009
Not only can she get the shits with him. Not only can she get pissed off, but she has insecurities too!
Yes my dears, the poor mortal male today discovered that I have some insecurities. These I seem to manage to hide most of the time, just that today I couldn't keep them under wraps. I was having self-induced doubts that after a good airing and talk, were abated.
I just think it surprised him that I wasn't the all knowing, super-mega strong in- control Kitty that I usually am (when he isn't driving me to distraction that it!). He knows I have a soft side, he's just never really seen it before, especially when it gets mixed up with fear and terror and self-doubt. But, to his total credit, he didn't flinch or anything. He was supportive of me. He didn't just dismiss what I was feeling or thinking...though he did say that I was a silly little thing for thinking that now that his divorce is final he might want to be single for a while. No, he wants me. And the thought of that brings a smile to my face.
Yes, I know you're thinking to yourself, "Why, you were just having a normal moment! Everyone has those from time to time." And I was, but you have to understand something...I don't "do" moments. People have moments with me. I don't have moments with people...not even my own family if I can help it.
Well, the up side of all this is he has found out that I'm not perfect or strong all the time and that I need him emotionally as much as he needs me. We both needed this, I think.
Yes my dears, the poor mortal male today discovered that I have some insecurities. These I seem to manage to hide most of the time, just that today I couldn't keep them under wraps. I was having self-induced doubts that after a good airing and talk, were abated.
I just think it surprised him that I wasn't the all knowing, super-mega strong in- control Kitty that I usually am (when he isn't driving me to distraction that it!). He knows I have a soft side, he's just never really seen it before, especially when it gets mixed up with fear and terror and self-doubt. But, to his total credit, he didn't flinch or anything. He was supportive of me. He didn't just dismiss what I was feeling or thinking...though he did say that I was a silly little thing for thinking that now that his divorce is final he might want to be single for a while. No, he wants me. And the thought of that brings a smile to my face.
Yes, I know you're thinking to yourself, "Why, you were just having a normal moment! Everyone has those from time to time." And I was, but you have to understand something...I don't "do" moments. People have moments with me. I don't have moments with people...not even my own family if I can help it.
Well, the up side of all this is he has found out that I'm not perfect or strong all the time and that I need him emotionally as much as he needs me. We both needed this, I think.
Life is so strange. Feb 26, 2009
And yet joyous. My dearest and I had a wonderful talk today and we're working things out. Not that anyone outside my family and friends really cares about it, but it helps to write it down and get it out in the open. So all I'll say about that is sorry. Well, not really, but I'll say it for forms sake.
So now I'm watching "True Blood". Hillbilly Vampires! Gods, it really doesn't get better than that! Well, it does when your leading man/vampire is called Bill! *Bwhahahaha* Not William or Will or Liam...no no nononono....Bill. Bill the Vampire! Tell me you aren't rolling around on the floor laughing at that?!!?! Then there is Tara. An amazingly mouthy Africa-American woman with a mouth that would make a sailor blush! She is loud mouthed, opinionated and stubborn, but with a big heart. Tara's best friend is Sookie, our leading lady and lust interest for Bill the Vampire... oh hell, go have a look at these sites -
http://www.hbo.com/trueblood/
http://true-blood.net/
So now I'm watching "True Blood". Hillbilly Vampires! Gods, it really doesn't get better than that! Well, it does when your leading man/vampire is called Bill! *Bwhahahaha* Not William or Will or Liam...no no nononono....Bill. Bill the Vampire! Tell me you aren't rolling around on the floor laughing at that?!!?! Then there is Tara. An amazingly mouthy Africa-American woman with a mouth that would make a sailor blush! She is loud mouthed, opinionated and stubborn, but with a big heart. Tara's best friend is Sookie, our leading lady and lust interest for Bill the Vampire... oh hell, go have a look at these sites -
http://www.hbo.com/trueblood/
http://true-blood.net/
This that and the other...Feb 24, 2009
Ok so things are feeling like they are getting better, even if I haven't spoken with his lordship. So what if we've only communicated via music videos? We both love music! And soon enough, we'll be talking and everything will be as right as it can be give the distance between Sydney, New South Wales and Hamilton, Ontario.
Alright, completely off that, but, fuck-me-sideways!!!! I'm sitting here watching Doctor Who...it's the episode that introduces Captain Jack...shit, I know John Barrowman is a total screamer, but hell, if he EVER decided that he was going to play for the other side, I'd so take him up on it!!! The man is sex on a stick! And he has a smile that could melt a diamond! Not that we of the double X species will ever get the chance...the hot and devistatingly sexy Mr Barrowman is now married to the love of his life, Scott. How envious can we get of one man? *sigh* Liam! Where the hell are you??????? I don't care if we're not talking right now and that there is half a planet seperating us...*wicked laugh* ~Hell, I am just the most evil person on this little rock!~
So, now that I'm all antsy, again, I'm off to make a calming cup of tea...like that'll work...NOT! But, I'll give it a go...hehehehe
Night all!
Well, how the hell am I....Feb 18, 2009
supposed to react to this??????
The Song
Especially when he puts his mood as repentant????? I was just starting to get use to everything...the emotions were starting to calm down and now he goes and stirs it all up like this.
The Song
Especially when he puts his mood as repentant????? I was just starting to get use to everything...the emotions were starting to calm down and now he goes and stirs it all up like this.
This shit just bites!!!! Feb 14, 2009
Well, fuck, who would have thunk it?!?!?! It's V.Day yet again, and guess what? I'm single, yet again!!! Now there was a huge bloody surprise...NOT! But at least I didn't get unwanted gifts like some...you'd think that after being with a woman for more years than you'd get for murder in this country, the other half would actually know something about her likes and dislikes....but no....he got her earrings...she doesn't have pierced ears...in a style that her blind grandmother would consider horrid...wrapped, badly, by the store in a colour paper that, next to her skin, makes her look like the living dead....and as if that weren't bad enough...no card and a couple of packets of peppermints....Now, one might think that was the end of it...alas, i hate to let you down like this, but no...there is more... After being out of the house all day at work, she comes home to a stifling hot house...the power had been off because the other half had arranged for the electrics to get something done to them during the hottest part of the day...Oh, you think that's the end? Hell NO!! The other half then moves on to the meal portion...he creates a meal that she has never eaten in the entire time they have been together...and that isn't because it hasn't been served to her....it has been and she doesn't eat it. He then goes on to complain that he can never please her and that she is the most unreasonable woman alive and blah, blah, blah....personally, I'd have let him have it! A severe tongue lashing would have been the least he'd have got from me! *sigh*
Men.
Can't live with them, can't shoot them...
Men.
Can't live with them, can't shoot them...
The end of things is never easy...Feb 13, 2009
Even when you're prepared for it. So, now I'm just sad...but things happen for a reason...which I believe whole-heartedly...so I won't be angry...pissed that I couldn't make it right, but, I couldn't, so all I am left with is the sadness, the love, the longing and the emptiness.
Gods, I have no idea what is wrong with me today. Feb 13, 2009
All I seem to be doing is dwelling on everything that has me worried... I have fears, sure, everyone has those and anyone who says they don't isn't being truthful to themselves....but when those fears are taking centre stage, that means something for me. I'm worried and fearful that my lover doesn't love me as much as I love him...I'm worried that we've turned into an old married couple, and it's been less than a year since we started seeing each other. I'm worried that I have to badger him to get anything out of him...I hate having to do that to anyone, but it seems that's all I'm doing lately. Either that or I seem to be having to drag a conversation out of him. And don't get me started about the physical side of things...let's just say that there hasn't been one for months. I know that a relationship shouldn't be based on sex, but damnit! It is an important part of it! But when my boyfriend hardly flirts with me, what am I supposed to think? Hell, I am just so fucked up right now.....
...Feb 11, 2009
My Country
The love of field and coppice,
Of green and shaded lanes.
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins,
Strong love of grey-blue distance
Brown streams and soft dim skies
I know but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.
I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror -
The wide brown land for me!
A stark white ring-barked forest
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon.
Green tangle of the brushes,
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops
And ferns the warm dark soil.
Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When sick at heart, around us,
We see the cattle die-
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady, soaking rain.
Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the Rainbow Gold,
For flood and fire and famine,
She pays us back threefold-
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze.
An opal-hearted country,
A wilful, lavish land-
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand-
Though earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.
Dorothea Mackellar
Of green and shaded lanes.
Of ordered woods and gardens
Is running in your veins,
Strong love of grey-blue distance
Brown streams and soft dim skies
I know but cannot share it,
My love is otherwise.
I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror -
The wide brown land for me!
A stark white ring-barked forest
All tragic to the moon,
The sapphire-misted mountains,
The hot gold hush of noon.
Green tangle of the brushes,
Where lithe lianas coil,
And orchids deck the tree-tops
And ferns the warm dark soil.
Core of my heart, my country!
Her pitiless blue sky,
When sick at heart, around us,
We see the cattle die-
But then the grey clouds gather,
And we can bless again
The drumming of an army,
The steady, soaking rain.
Core of my heart, my country!
Land of the Rainbow Gold,
For flood and fire and famine,
She pays us back threefold-
Over the thirsty paddocks,
Watch, after many days,
The filmy veil of greenness
That thickens as we gaze.
An opal-hearted country,
A wilful, lavish land-
All you who have not loved her,
You will not understand-
Though earth holds many splendours,
Wherever I may die,
I know to what brown country
My homing thoughts will fly.
Dorothea Mackellar
They REALLY need to give me....Feb 9, 2009
A web-site that lets me know what the hell in going on in Hamilton!!!! Who would believe that a couple of warm days lead to the lines being flooded??? Shite! Here I've been going insane with worry for him and all because of some bloody melt water!!!!! Fire trUCK! I should know better and trust him like I use to, but after what happened at the end of last year, that is something that has to be worked on. The trust will come back on my part, it'll just take time. So until then he'll have to deal with me freaking out everytime the lines get frozen or flooded or whatever else it might be!
Now to worry about my friends down in Victoria...damn fire bugs and their obsession with starting fires in the middle of a long drought-ridden summer! May the Gods give them everything they deserve!!!
Now to worry about my friends down in Victoria...damn fire bugs and their obsession with starting fires in the middle of a long drought-ridden summer! May the Gods give them everything they deserve!!!
Not knowing is the hardest thing....Feb 8, 2009
I hate the physical distance between my Liam and me...it is so hard having him on the other side of the planet. And finding out information about what's going on over there is near on impossible for me. Let's just say that I'm going insane and on the verge of tears about it all.
Freakin' Heat Waves! Feb 7, 2009
Hate 'em! I can so live without them...I so want to be in Canadia right now...it's all nice and cold and snowy there....and my sweetheart is there too, so that makes it even more attractive to me. I'll be happy when he's here with me...that'll at least take that pressure off us. So I'm saving like a mad woman and I'm doing really well with that! Yay for me! Considering I'm a shopping whore, that is fantastic!!!!
Kicking Habits... Feb 5, 2009
Even with help, is very hard. And when that habit involves nicotine, even harder. Lucky for me I have something that helps. I'd hate to think of going cold turkey after the week I've just had!!! That wouldn't have been fun, to say the least!
And life can be sad too...Feb 2, 2009
This morning we lost a beautiful, cheeky light from this mortal coil...my wonderful neighbour, friend, adopted Grandfather, Francis Roy Hines. Goodbye my darling old man...you will be missed by all of us. And though we are left to weep at your passing, we know that you are now begining your greatest adventure to date.
Rest well you cheeky bugger, and no trying to put your smooth moves on the ladies! We love you Roy.
Rest well you cheeky bugger, and no trying to put your smooth moves on the ladies! We love you Roy.
Life and other joys. Feb 1, 2009
My wonderful Liam is doing well. He'd thought that he might have lost his job, but, thankfully, he still has one, even though he hates it with a passion that really, if you knew what the bosses were like, doesn't defy reason! And even though the job market up in Canadia isn't crash hot I'm encouraging him to put in his CV with places he'd like to work at. Let's face it, if he can get a job somewhere that has great co-workers, fantastic bosses and basically doesn't suck like his present job does, he'll be happier which will make me happier, which in turn will make all those around us happier.
Sitting here thinking about it all, I am so crazy in love with him, all I have to do is bring his face to mind and I'm smiling like a loon! *giggle*
Sitting here thinking about it all, I am so crazy in love with him, all I have to do is bring his face to mind and I'm smiling like a loon! *giggle*
Sadness...Jan 30, 2009
Won't be doing Supanova in Melbourne this year...:( Much in the way of sadness. And it isn't money, for once stopping it. Damn family obligations!!! Ah well, I'll deal, though that doesn't stop the dissapointment. I had plans to goose all the superheros I could find. *pouting now*
Heat waves Jan 29, 2009
I feel so sorry for my friends down in Victoria and South Australia! I know what you are suffering through right now with that horrid heat wave! It isn't fun...all you can do is hide from the sun and heat as best you can and keep the fluid intake up. Just know that I'm sending you all cooling thoughts and I'm crossing my fingers that it'll break soon and you'll get a wonderful southerly!
...Jan 28, 2009
Yay for me!!! I got one of my evilBay items in!!!
Is it wrong for me to be in lust with a silk dance fan???? Well, I am...it is beautiful....white at the top where the fan is fading to black at the bottom...*sigh*...so pretty. But the crap I went through to get it today isn't something that I want to have to deal with ever again!
I was home all day...just in case I got a call from the fridge dude...with the front door open...no one came to the door. No one rang the bell. Especially not at 10am!!!
I wander out to the mail box out the front at about 11.30, and low and behold, what do I find? An "Unable to deliver" note telling me that I wasn't home at 10am and that I had to go to the Post Office at 4.30 to collect my package!
If one was of the suspicious persuasion, one would think that the parcel person hadn't even bothered with attempting to deliver the package and had just left the note. But, I'm not that sort. No, really, I'm not! Honest! You don't believe me, do you???? Great. Thanks for that! *snicker*
Now to wait for the Pay'empal money to go in and I'll be able to get this stunning rhinestone choker...shouldn't be long now!! And then I'll be able to some amazing things to it and give it to a girlfriend of mine who will kiss my toes! *giggle*
Ok, now I'm off to be a geek...Trek calls...hehehe
Is it wrong for me to be in lust with a silk dance fan???? Well, I am...it is beautiful....white at the top where the fan is fading to black at the bottom...*sigh*...so pretty. But the crap I went through to get it today isn't something that I want to have to deal with ever again!
I was home all day...just in case I got a call from the fridge dude...with the front door open...no one came to the door. No one rang the bell. Especially not at 10am!!!
I wander out to the mail box out the front at about 11.30, and low and behold, what do I find? An "Unable to deliver" note telling me that I wasn't home at 10am and that I had to go to the Post Office at 4.30 to collect my package!
If one was of the suspicious persuasion, one would think that the parcel person hadn't even bothered with attempting to deliver the package and had just left the note. But, I'm not that sort. No, really, I'm not! Honest! You don't believe me, do you???? Great. Thanks for that! *snicker*
Now to wait for the Pay'empal money to go in and I'll be able to get this stunning rhinestone choker...shouldn't be long now!! And then I'll be able to some amazing things to it and give it to a girlfriend of mine who will kiss my toes! *giggle*
Ok, now I'm off to be a geek...Trek calls...hehehe
What is it....Jan 25, 2009
With me and kicking my toes? Honestly... I can't walk 10 metres without kicking my poor little toe on my right foot! Did it the other day and then again yesterday! Sheesh!
Anyway..enough of the bitching about that. I have much better things to bitch about! *snicker*
We could start with the lack of anything decent to watch on TV. Or the lack of Sunday newspaper...I like my Sunday paper and I get grumpy if I can't wander through it, catching up on the latest doom and gloom in the world.
OK...bitching done for the day..hehehe
Now to decide on if I'm going to go to Supanova in Melbourne this year. I'd love to go. After all, who wouldn't? What with all the geeks and freaks that'll be there! I'll be able to dress all Steampunk! Damn, that will be fun! And then there will be the annual "Goosing of the Superheros" which is always a laugh.
But on the down side, I'll have very limited contact with my Liam, and that will make me sad. I'll be so happy when he's finally able to come out here for good.
Ah, well, I'll save that for another day.
Anyway..enough of the bitching about that. I have much better things to bitch about! *snicker*
We could start with the lack of anything decent to watch on TV. Or the lack of Sunday newspaper...I like my Sunday paper and I get grumpy if I can't wander through it, catching up on the latest doom and gloom in the world.
OK...bitching done for the day..hehehe
Now to decide on if I'm going to go to Supanova in Melbourne this year. I'd love to go. After all, who wouldn't? What with all the geeks and freaks that'll be there! I'll be able to dress all Steampunk! Damn, that will be fun! And then there will be the annual "Goosing of the Superheros" which is always a laugh.
But on the down side, I'll have very limited contact with my Liam, and that will make me sad. I'll be so happy when he's finally able to come out here for good.
Ah, well, I'll save that for another day.
To state the blindingly obvious... Jan 24, 2009
it is as hot as hell here in Sydney right now! Damn! Can this shit get any hotter??? I just wish a nice cool southerly would blow in and make all this muggy heat go away. From my lips to the gods ears I suppose. Or I could spend 6 or 7 grand that I don't have and fly for 20 odd hours and spend time with my boyfriend in Canadia, where it is so cold right now...*sigh* snow.......
I really should let my friends know that I have one of these...but being the lazy bitch that I am...meh..I'll do it later...just like everything else in my life right now.
I really should let my friends know that I have one of these...but being the lazy bitch that I am...meh..I'll do it later...just like everything else in my life right now.
The First one...Jan 24, 2009
Alright...where do I start?
About me?
Do I start from the very begining...from the moment of my birth?
Screw that! That was far too long ago and no one really cares about crap like that. They want the juicy gossip..well, hate to break it to you, I don't really have anything like that. It is not like I sleep around or do crazy things that would land me in the cop shop...well, not under controlled conditions (insert evil laugh here).
So I ask again...where do I start?
How about I describe myself and we can go from there? Sound good?
OK.
I'm 5'8" or thereabouts. I have blue eyes, though they have been known to change colour depending on my mood. I have redhair. And I want to rule the world. Yes folks, you read that right. I Want To Rule The World. But, I don't want to be elected to that post...oh, no no no...I want world domination..I want to take over and never let anyone take it away from me!
Do you think that is too grand? Am I biting off more than I can chew? Meh... it's not like I could do a worse job than those that are in power now.
For now, as a first start, this isn't too bad. It could be worse. I could have said that I don't like the world and I wish it wasn't here. But that would be far too depressing and I try my damnedest not to go down that dark and twisting road. It leads to all sort of horrid thoughts that I don't want to have. So if I'm bright and perky and making you want to grab the nearest nail gun to hold to my head, just know that I'll snarl at you and then make you laugh. It's what I do. Can't help myself. Honest.
~Please note that these have been moved from my Steampunk blog to here...thought I should separate things.~
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